Hi. Words seem to slip away from me under the emotions that have gripped me instead. It’s an illusion though, that thought and feeling are separate and opposite entities. They may become out of balance sometimes, but it’s not a competition, is it? It’s a whole.

I cried until I got a headache since I read the cancellation news, and that’s fine, because now that’s gone too and I can write. I may be three nobodies in a trench coat in the grand scheme of things, but I’d like to tell you a story about a different set of tears. I’ll try to keep it short, so let’s fast forward through “discovered The Wheel of Time books, yearned for a TV series, waited for years while rereading the books, losing hope several times in the process.” And Oh! The fool I’d been to lose that hope when finally a TV series was confirmed and started production. Yours.

Ok I’m crying a little again. That was around the time my life started falling apart, in a lot of ways. It was a long, painful, drawn out process and through it all I’ve had The Wheel of Time TV as a source of joy and the online fan community as the literary famous “found family” turned real experience. One of two different fandoms, no less. There’s a lot of the story I’m leaving out, but for a little context, one of the darkest times in my life has been a series of seemingly unrelated health issues while there was a pandemic and I was immunocompromised and the world had suddenly become a lot scarier, not that it wasn’t like that for me before.

I had toothaches that I was fixing during the premiere of Season 1. This was the “different set of tears” because they were of joy, so much that I had to keep rewinding scenes to see what I’d missed while crying. The characters I’d loved for so many years and the story that had changed me in so many ways, were given life and it was such a gift to have that! To walk on “An empty road”, to hear the laughter from the tables at the Winespring Inn, to hear Moiraine say “The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills,” and the best(ouch) Bel Tine ever.

Then there were sets of consecutive days of migraines between seasons 1 and 2. Those were the days when I found comfort and joy in the excitement we shared online about the series. The longing. The Hinderstream. Trollocs! ToC. WotIdol. Theories and rumors and fancasting and long Livestreams. So many little things that seemed so big because they were the good in an unfortunate sequence of bad luck. And then my health got worse.

I was moving too, had canceled the internet and ended up at a friend’s house because I was too ill to be alone when Season 2 premiered. I watched the first episode on my phone because I wasn’t going to miss it because I didn’t have access to a bigger screen. But I delayed the next two because my life was a mess, and saw them later that day with two very dear friends in the online fandom. We then (re)watched all the next episodes of that season together, syncing the play button from three different countries. An adventure of our own!

I moved to another town with my life upended and spent the time since then recovering my health. A very slow process that’s at times comforting in its routine, at others frustrating in its pace. While I’m better, this journey is not over. By the way, it was someone in the Wheel of Time fandom who gave me a hint of what to ask for to get the right diagnosis. I might not have met this person without the TV show. The Wheel sometimes weaves miracles like this. Life saving.

This is where Season 3 found me. No migraines at least. Finally I could enjoy this masterpiece in full and read all the press articles and watch all the interviews and there were lots of them this time. A feast for the soul, as the Finn would say. Tears of joy again. And the FINN!

So you see, it’s not my story that’s important, it’s you. The light in the darkness, from metaphor to real life. Everyone who worked on this TV show. Everyone who wrote the story, played a role, made the costumes, makeup, music, visual effects and everyone I don’t know about or can’t think about because I’m not part of the industry, but who was there. I hope you don’t underestimate the value of even the tiniest details, because even if we missed them, we’ll find them on a rewatch. You made something that a lot of people love to watch multiple times and I think that’s amazing. You are amazing (understatement).

You are the heroes of today. The ones who turn tears from grief to joy. The ones who turn fear into hope. I’m not losing that again. It’s a gift from you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Minari